last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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