SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
