I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
