there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
