Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
