I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
