Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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