can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
