he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
