My hand turned me down
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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