My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
