Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
