Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it because I queefed?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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