ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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