k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
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You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He passed out mid-signature
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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