i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
