porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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