new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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