You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
soo... how was my night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
