I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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