Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
