And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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