you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
