If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
