i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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