Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
