ugly people sure do ruin things
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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