does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
