i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
