Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
