my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
