you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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