Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
