You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
