i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
