you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
