I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
