My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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