Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
