i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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