I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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