sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she peed on how many people?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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