By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
