remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
