I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
