3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
