I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
