I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
