he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
