There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't deserve a penis
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
