I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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