is your mom at the bar?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
