Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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