Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i drank out of a bidet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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