Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
