He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
