i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
