If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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