And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
