one two three fourrrrnication!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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