wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
