My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
