I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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