if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
