GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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