I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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