How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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