Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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