She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
