Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
