if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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