Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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