Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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