i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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