Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
