Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
