I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
