We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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