all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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