That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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