worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
