Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
