There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
