Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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