Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
