My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
