i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
