I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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