considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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