he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's blow job season.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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