i don't like sucking hair
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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