i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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