I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
