Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
