I wish I could punch you in the face.
My room smells like vodka and shame
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
