It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
