Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
